It had to happen sooner or later. My idle life as a student will be coming to an end after this OU course finishes on June 15. Mr FF needs my services with the business that he runs and I will be working side by side with him in our basement office. The work is interesting so no complaints there - and I will return to my studies probably in October 2010. In the meantime I have one last essay to do and as usual I will give you the essay question when I do my blogpost about the Davy/Marcet essay mark.
My June exam is in the same Paris hotel as last year, out in the suburbs of Clichy and each time I think about it I get a slight nervous feeling which I know will be amplified as the exam approaches. Isn't it silly, it's not like school days where the exam result could really affect your future; my studies are purely for me and yet they seem to matter so much. If only I'd had this motivation when I was younger - who knows what I would be doing now. Yet we make our choices as we see fit at the time.
I'll still find time to blog just as much. I'd never stop blogging.
21 comments:
That feeling of nervousness ... the old stimulus-response thing. Too many previous school exams I suppose.
FFancy - you've echoed what I put on my blog about wishing you'd had the motivation when you were younger. As for the nerves, it's inevitable I think. When I was in my late thirties I did a law degree (distance learning) and we had an exam at the end of each year too. I got so wound up it used to make me physically ill, and like you it wasn't as if I needed to pass. I was studying for my own interests, nothing else. Good luck working with Mr FF. I'm sure it'll be fun xxxx
Sounds fun working with Mr FF - although sorry to hear it as I'm assuming it's probably due to the Credit Munch.. or that business is going so well he needs the help! Hope it's the latter.
And good luck with your last essay.
Bill - hello there. Yes, brainwashed by early school trauma, I reckon
Henry's mum - so you've an LLB. Good work Mrs. I've worked with Mr FF on and off for five years now and he needs more of my time these days. It's like a Gap Year, that's how I've reconciled it in my mind
Ladyfi - he has too much work on the go and I am an expert in a certain field that is useful to him. My last essay is one that they've given us two months to study for, instead of the usual one. Lots of texts to read.
I have the opposite situation -- I'll be taking a year off of teaching to focus solely on writing my thesis. I'm a little nervous about not drawing income in these dicey times. But I guess we'll see what happens and perhaps I can do something part-time like tutoring.
Good luck with that last essay!
Kind of know how you feel re: the course. I finally graduate from my part time degree in June and like you have one essay (and an exam) to go. One last push and it will all be over. I finished reading my last course book last week and it's so nice to be able to read whatever I like once more and not have to make notes on it! :-)
Know what you mean, have done quite a bit of adult ed. and despite the fact that as an adult we have so many more commitments I have been far more motivated. Hope it's gone well.
We all have to adjust to family needs. But, how fun to pursue studies you truly enjoy. I see from the OU list you'l be covering great stuff. I think I'll reread Goethe's Faust with you.
I, too, have the nervousness about quality of work now that it's only my self-respect involved. As an undergrad I used to think that the system was flawed in that it gave all the students the same reward at the end of the term. They got to go home. For many of us, in our exhaustion, that's all we wanted. What if we'd had to stay until our results were up to a certain standard?
I think, too, that in my current program I don't want anyone to get the idea that it was a mistake to let me into the program.
That last comment was right...you are doing it for you, and I remember the fear rather too well, especially my last one, couldn't remember a thing when I turned the paper over, had to go ot for a pee and a ciggie, didn't realise I would be followed...as if I'd cheat! Scaped in just under the wire but I didn't care, a pass and I was all done and dusted.
Today I threw away a black garbage bag full of notes, old essays etc, that I have been holding on to for sentimental reasons. the thing is...you've read the books, done the essays and it is all in there somewhere. Use your scrap paper for a spider chart or whatever method helps you best and good luck with the exam and your future work with husband.
It must be nice knowing it is the last essay, even if you have the exam to go. I am waiting for the return of the first and I have 6 more to do. I put the title of no 2 in my last post for you.
Enjoy the last of the student life; at least you won't have to commute far to work!
Mrs FF, one never stops learning. I'm a perpetual student. I learn more each day just by reading at home. Your new course sounds so interesting. Romantic period is such a fascinating period to study.
Gawd how I wish I'd had motivation when I was younger too! Still you live and learn and I can quite understand why these exams are so important to you.
Glad to hear you'll still be blogging though:-)
My dad never said much to me, but he often said, "Bon courage". Now it reminds me of the lion,looking straight into the camera and saying,"courage". I am full of admiration for those, like you, who go where I would like to go, but have not yet found the nerve.
:)
FFancy - ha ha ha - an LLB? No, not quite. Me being me, I didn't take the final exam. My excuse at the time was that my mum was dying. And she was and she did. But, I could have re-taken it the year after, couldn't I? But I didn't. My CV is liberally littered with stuff I've started and never finished:)
FF, it feels as if you are turning another page in your life, and I hope it will bring some of the stimulation you undoubtedly get from your OU course - How about a book group to keep some of the impetus going with learning and discussion, or maybe we shoudl do that here?
Best of luck with your next piece, and any exams - My dad always used to say, 'They can't kill you in there - You will come out at the end of it - Do your best, and that's all that you can do!' Those words come back to me often and I have repeatd them to my son x
Hi French Fancy, I find it as hard to learn as I did when I was younger but these days I have a hunger to learn. My problem is that I am a bit of a butterfly and find it hard to concentrate.
Pleasedthat Mr FF has plenty of work, it helps a lot. Best wishes Blu x
ContemTroub - wow, scary stuff- a year off.At least D will be around for morale-boosting sessions.
Steve- I'd love to know more about your course. It must be nice to be coming to the end of it - I'm about three years away from it
Reasons to be cheerful - hello there. This adult ed bug has really only struck me over the last few years. Before then I was a starter, never a finisher.
laqkeviewer - the best thing this course has done is introduce me to the life and works of Byron. I always knew the famous bits about his life and his work but I've learnt so much detail - the man was fascinating and, should I ever get to do a Phd, I would like to do it on Lord B.
Larry - self-motivation is good and that is what the likes of thee and me have. When we were young you (not I) did it because it was expected, now it's because we actually want to. We're our sternest critics really.
Moannie - oh did those exam nerves hit me last year. I was almost shaking before I went into the exam room. I didn't do as well as I'd hoped (got 59% in the end) and I'm really hoping I do a bit better this year.
did they stand and watch you smoke? Re spider charts - for some reason I've never taken to them. I write endless notes on cards and secrete them around the house.
CA - hello there. I've got two months to prepare for this last essay - so many texts I have to read but it should pay off with the exam three months away.
with a bit of luck I might be at a stage with the work I have to do for Mr FF, to resume my OU courses in Feb 2010 - there is history one that starts then that I quite fancy
ASD - I have many text books here that I've never got round to reading and that is what I will do once I stop officially studying. Mind you most of them are about Lord Byron - so it's hardly a wide scope of knowledge.
Lane - I was so lazy academically when I was young - if only I'd tried a bit harder
marc - maybe once you retire you could take on a course? Once you've started you won't want to stop, I'm sure
Henry's mum - I also began things and didn't finish them. I did the first year of a stage management course but dropped out after I was meant to build some scenery - I'm not a natural DIY-er and found it a real strain. Since then I've met lots of SMs and ASMs and they've never built a set in their lives. So I should just have struggled on.
AWONI - I've never fancied a book group. If someone hasn't enjoyed something that I've raved about I get quite well, not upset exactly but a bit cross. I know it's wrong but I think if I liked it why didn't they. I nearly fell out with someone who didn't like Foucault's Pendulum which is of my top three books.
Blu - yes, I have hunger to learn as well and I'll really be looking forward to getting back to being a student.
It's not just the motivation. I wish I'd had more confidence then to make stuff up and argue it confidently. Because that's all opinions are. One's own are as valid as anyone else's, and there is no right or wrong to opinion, only the fun of being controversial and persuasive. The strain then was trying to learn enough to be...derivitive and plagiaristic.
Funny how school memories come surging through. Years ago, after graduating from a degree course in Nottingham I went to a conference on Performance Art. It was in mid Wales and at a school. All the adult practioners were encouraged to be creative and most of the performamces were about fears around the school years and the majority about exam time. After the event was over we had a good laugh at how silly those fears were years after the event. You'll be fine French Fancy. :0)
BroTob - I used to hang around with a crowd of 'intellectuals' (yeh, right - well, I thought so at the time) and after seeing a film or show together we'd all do our own loud crits - well, all except me, a bit overawed by the other opinions.
If only it was now - my voice would be the loudest, most self-opinionated going,
Phil - yep, we've all been brainwashed by school trauma. I was caned for not being a neat writer and making ink blots. I was only 9 and I still recall it. Barbaric.
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